Things College Taught Me

Posted: Monday, May 9, 2011 | Posted by Bethisboring | Labels: ,
It's official, I am no longer a college student.  I graduated this weekend with a degree in Kinesiology!  That means I have to change my blog tagline, this is pretty much the only negative thing that I can think of.

There are a few things that I learned in college aside from how to write a 5 paper in an hour.  I'll outline them below for those of you that are still in college or have graduated more than 5 years ago.

1) It is important to never get up and blow your nose during a test.  The sound of snot being sucked deeper into your face stimulates your brain thus giving you a higher grade.

This is VERY important, especially when you are in a large lecture class.  When 10-20 people suck snot into their faces it becomes a "suck chorus".  This has even been shown to increase the productivity of those around you.  

2) Always bring another activity to entertain you during lecture. Examples include: Knitting, sudoku or a book.

I tend to think of sitting in class like sitting in an airport, you have to be there even though you won't be leaving for the next year and half.  You may as well bring something to do otherwise you have to pay $29.99 for a Twilight novel.
3) Chew gum as loudly as possible, especially if you are interested in attracting the opposite sex.

 I'm not even going to be sarcastic about this.  I have seen more conversations happen by the pick up line "Hey can I have some of that gum you're chewing" then I care to think about. What they really mean to say is "You're chewing your gum in a manner that is similar to a cow chewing its cud.  I find that attractive because I too enjoy chewing my gum in this manner.  Let's have sex."

4) Always pretend you aren't interested and have some place better to be, even if you are genuinely interested.

Warning: This one only applies if you want friends.

5) Never arrive on time

This lets everyone in the class know that you are too cool to arrive on time.  The later the better.  It is important to make as much noise as possible when entering the classroom.  Always choose a seat in the middle of everyone so you have to crawl over them.   This ensures that all the attention will be on you.

Now you don't even need to go to college!
Updates soon on what I am actually making, and not just complaining about. It will be great! 
 

 

5 comments:

  1. Ange said...
  2. As the mother of a girl who will be graduating highschool next month and going to university in September, I really, really don't like number three. I believe I will now ban chewing gum outside the house until she has graduated.
    Thank you for the warning.
    :)
    Nice to see you back.

  3. Bethisboring said...
  4. It's a serious epidemic that is slowly enveloping our youth! Glad you understand just how serious this is.

  5. Ange said...
  6. Well, she already has the sniffling thing down. Although that is caused by her allergy to the cat and the dog, so she may not do it much outside the house. But between not being allowed to chew gum anymore, not being able to do number four if she tried and her habit of being early for EVERYTHING (except orthodontist appointments) it looks like she may struggle through her post secondary education. Unless things are different here in Canada?
    I am so glad to have people like you to help guide me through these confusing times!

  7. Rachael said...
  8. Number three cracks me up. its so true!

  9. Bethisboring said...
  10. I am so glad people are behind number 3! I thought I would get a lot of hate comments from people who enjoying chomping their gum.

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